He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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