I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
