even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
