i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
