Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
