Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hippo gnu deer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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