cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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