it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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