Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
