I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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