you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
