I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
