This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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