New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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