If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
