oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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