best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
