I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The best revenge is premature balding
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
