Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
