bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
