Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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