The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
