I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
