well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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