I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
