so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
