Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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