Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
