Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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