lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
