I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
