So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
