wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
