I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
