i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
