Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am naked and annoyed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
