Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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