Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
