Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
