so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
