I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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