ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
