Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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