There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
