Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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