11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
