yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i permit you to call me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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