Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I see more hoeing in ur future
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
