Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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