I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
