Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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